So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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