dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
