wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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