I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
