Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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