I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
