I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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