you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
