The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
