Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
