you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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