mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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