he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
