She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
