party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
