I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize