Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
