sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize