just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
