You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize
