Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
