I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My bed smells like the plague
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
