That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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