I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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