Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
