haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
