Nicole vs. Life
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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