Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
