I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
