Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
