so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
