apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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