Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
