You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
