just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
