I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
