Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
