i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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