you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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