It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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