did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
