Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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