I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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