Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
