shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
