Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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