I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please come you make the beer taste better
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
