Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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