party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
