haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
