So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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