kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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