i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
