Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
