You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The chlamydia really affected his face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize