Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
