Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
