Ketchup is God's man juice
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize