I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
