these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
