Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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