I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
