is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
