that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sarcasm needs its own font
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up under a house in Key West
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
