i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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