it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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