How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
