Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
