I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
