If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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