How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
