Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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