I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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