This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
