I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
