so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
