I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
