fuck your aforementioned shoe
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
