You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
