He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
